The Trouble With Dating Cheerleaders.

Remember in November 2005, when these two ladies caused a bit of a ruckus inside a Tampa, Florida restaurant bathroom?



The little lady on the left is Renee.
Her pal on the right is Angela.

This is their story.

(And yes, they're both terribly, terribly drunk in those mugshots.)

At the time of the incident, both ladies were NFL cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers. According to the police report that I just read, Renee and Angela were in Tampa, watching a Panther away game with some other cheerleaders. (The cheerleading squad didn't perform at away games.) Late in the evening, after drinking nearly two cheerleader and a half's worth of alcohol, the young lovers snuck away to the ladies room of Banana Joe's, for a little intimate time.

Angela, the brunette, was reportedly so drunk that she had trouble standing. But she didn't have any trouble, balancing in a standing position on the bathroom toilet, while Renee, the blonde, went down on her. (Renee was very supportive of Angela, allowing her to use her face for a bicycle seat.)

Renee must've been a bit of a slow hand, because they were in there for quite a while. A line of frustrated ladies formed inside the bathroom and down the hall. Word quickly spread that these two "whores" were "going down on each other" in the bathroom. The ladies in line could tell that was what was happening, because Angela's head and shoulders were visible above the top of the stall. Here eyes were rolled up into here head and she said, for those observing, "I'm cumming." Bravo, Renee. Well done!

After the loving couple shared a quick kiss and snuggle in the stall, they exited to find a line of pissed off ladies. Someone made a rude comment and Renee (once a lover, now a fighter) hauled off and punched the person that she thought had insulted her. The punchee was so angered by the attack that she grabbed Renee, wrestled her to the ground and detained her until the police could arrive. Angela let loose with an impressive string of profanities. Renee, when arrested, impressed the police officers by slipping out of her handcuffs. (She has tiny wrists. And it was funny at the time.)

Eventually, the shenanigans ceased and the officers subdued these two Hellcats. The true life Russ Meyers adventure was over.

Except for the once detail, which I just found out about, reading THIS article over on The Smoking Gun. On this page, the arresting officer says in the next to last item ...

At the request of [Renee], I made a courtesy call to her boyfriend in Charlotte, NC. for her and advised him of the arrest and provided him with contact information for the Hillsborough County Correctional Facility.

What a terrible phone call to receive, huh?

Imagine, you're home with friends, after having just watched the Panthers play Tampa Bay and the phone rings. It's the police in some other state. They've arrested your sexy-ass little girlfriend (the cheerleader that you brag to your friends that you're having sex with) and her little friend. Because she's drunk, punched out some random lady because she was mad that they gave her grief FOR EATING OUT ANOTHER CHEERLEADER IN THE BATHROOM OF BANANA JOE'S!!!

Call me "insensitive".
Call me "self-centered."
Call me "conservative."

But that phone call is the beginning of the end of my part in that relationship. I don't have a whole lot of "rules" when I get into a relationship. But one of them is "Don't have me find out that you're cheating on me and also a bit of a lesbian, by a phone call from the police." I guess I'm a bit of a jerk, that way.

If we're dating and you develop a taste for "cheerleader", well, this can be worked into the arrangement. That's something that we can explore together. With a trained professional. And in locations much more comfortable than perched atop a Banana Joe's bathroom toilet. Heck, I'll do it with you. I don't want to crush your dreams. I want you to explore them, while I watch. Is that so wrong?

Ah well, Sometimes Porn Movies tell the truth.

Be forewarned, that this sort of heartbreak is in store for you if you are planning on dating a cheerleader any time soon.

Or a lonely housewife.

Or your sisters, busty friend who wears lipstick all the time and who is REALLY enjoying that bratwurst.

Or the twins who need to use your shower, because theirs is all stopped up with lubricant.

Or the cute girls with pigtails, who just want to wash your car, mister!

Dispensing Lessons in Love since 1985,
Mr.B